a simple yarn

(Even the title fairly shouts the symptoms of my dilemma. Not a very dynamic beginning…)

I am looking at a pile of yarn. It’s looking back expectantly at me…patiently waiting for me to do something creative with it….waiting…waiting.  I am hoping that this mound of fibre will somehow transform itself into an artistically expressive vision. I’m to create a woolen piece for the Knitting and Stitching Show in Dublin. The Irish Guild of Weavers, Spinners and Dyers wants to collectively create a dynamic representation of the talented hands that live here…a siren call to others who want to carry on such time-honoured crafts.

I am a weaver. Well, at least I’m a member in good standing of the Guild, which counts for something, right? I’ve had some lessons. I’ve woven a few pieces. Truth is, I have just enough knowledge to be dangerous. I don’t want to let anyone down. I’ve got the yarn. I’ve got the loom. I’ve got the idea…no, wait…I don’t have that. My mind is…well…blank. I wonder if Jane Brocket ever has days like this?

I want to blend art and craft. (nothing)
I look through books and magazines for inspiration. (nope)
I close my eyes to visualize a woven landscape. (zilch)

It is then I realize that most of my ideas exceed my ability to create them. I don’t want to weave anything that looks like it was made by a neophyte. The problem is, that’s exactly what I am…a beginner.

And why am I stuck? Well, after a bit of pondering, I think it’s less about perceiving myself as an imposter in the artisan world and more about not allowing myself to grow in this newly learned craft. Perhaps this is my very own real-world example of wanting it all and wanting it NOW. Instant gratification. Instant success. Six lessons and…shazam!…master craftswoman! No need for apprenticeship! When it’s out in the open under the lens of self-examination, I know that the expectations of myself will need to be re-adjusted to allow experimentation and risk failure. And that’s ok.

So, after feeling wonderfully philosophical about the whole thing, I accept that I’m going to turn out some hideous things as I learn and grow. There is no shame in that.

And what about the woven piece? I will proceed courageously to create something that will fairly and accurately represent who I am as a weaver at this stage of development. Or, on the other hand…I may have to knit something…